My pals Sully and Melissa Cook have long shared my disdain for “The Christmas Shoes,” which is essentially the Pontiac Aztec of Christmas music. Melissa just made me aware of this comical Christmas Shoes-related post at “Stuff Christians Like,” and a wacky fundraiser came to mind. It’s already late to start planning something like this, and I have my hands full already, so feel free to run with it and raise a million bucks for your youth group. Fair warning: if this gets you in trouble with the RIAA, SESAC, or some other ultra-serious music-related organization, I will swear that I never knew you.
Okay…here goes. You’re familiar with the pink flamingo fundraiser, right? If not, here’s the concept. You raise funds by selling both flamingo insurance (which guarantees someone that his/her yard won’t be overrun by pink flamingo lawn ornaments) and flamingo infestations (whereby a person pays to send the flock of pink plastic birds into the lawn of a friend, neighbor, or archenemy).
We’re taking that concept, mixing in “The Christmas Shoes,” and adding liberal doses of cheese, caroling, and live theater. You’ll need to recruit teens from your youth group to play three key roles. Be sure to cast a sickly “Mama,” a cherub-faced boy holding a gaudy pair of shoes, and a kind-hearted vocalist/stranger who somehow learns “what Christmas is all about” through this shoe-related yarn. The rest of your youth group can sing background vocals during the chorus and offer Kleenexes to passersby who may be crying due to pain, laughter, or excessively-tugged heartstrings.
The financial side, of course, is pretty self-explanatory. By making a specified donation to the local youth group, a family can ensure that this group of teens WON’T show up at their front porch to reenact and sing “The Christmas Shoes.” By making a donation of a different amount, of course, a family can send this roving band of minstrels to their friends’ house across town.
I’m pretty sure I’d make a donation if I could keep a live performance of “The Christmas Shoes” far from my door. And I would DEFINITELY pay out the nose to send that crew down road to Melissa and Sully’s house. What about you?